Here's one for you CBCers!

25 Famous Women on childlessness

Back to school (it's been a while!)

I have been away trying to live my "not a Step Mom" part of my life. My skids are a bit older and have more plans with friends so it's easier. Not that I want time away from them, but we all need to "grow".

Back to school is different for all Step Moms. I know some of you are custodial and while want the free time, it's back to hectic schedules. 50/50 parents will have a hard time too. As a non custodial EOW Step Mom, it doesn't really affect me.

But looking at social media does....

I have to see all of the pictures of kids going back to school. Before Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, reminders were few. Now, it's all up in our face! Take the time to go off your computers and clean out closets, offices, see your friends, etc. Just anything to take your mind off being childless.

I know it's hard; but you can DO IT!

Good Step Mom articles

Ok... let's get away from the negative! I stumbled upon a great site with some good articles. Honest and positive. Read this one and the one under "related post".

Have a great week and remember; you matter!!!

I think L'Wren Scott killed herself due to the depression of being a CSM

I saw something on the news this morning and Googled it. She was 49 and stated she wanted to marry Mick Jagger (her bf) and have a family. But she was 49, ladies..so we know what that means and Mick has a gazillion kids at 70 years old. I read this and thought...did she kill herself because she was a childless SM (gf) and to top it off her business went bad? She had nothing left or to live for in her mind?

Here is the quote:
"There had also been reports that she was keen to have children and wanted to marry Sir Mick.
At the weekend she was not present at a joint baby shower for Sir Mick’s 42-year-old daughter Jade, who is expecting in May, and Jade’s daughter Assisi, 21, whose own baby is due in April. The party was reportedly organised by Sir Mick’s ex-wife Jerry Hall at the former marital home in Richmond, west London. Neither Sir Mick nor Scott were able to attend, as both were abroad."

I mean the BM there, the kid, AND her kid both expecting??? Must of KILLED her inside??? 

Just a theory...

Discipline

One of my teenage Step daughters must have raging hormones because I want to kill her sometimes. It's not just how she talks or treats me, it's EVERYONE. Right down to her boyfriend! DH doesn't call her out as much as he used to because a) he doesn't want to be the bad cop b) he thinks it's just being a teenager. I totally *zip* it. It's tough but, we all know the saying; "NMKNMP".

While doing research, I found this article. Hope it helps you!

10 ways to support your wife as a Step Mother

There is no place like home for the Hellidays!!!!

I know this time of year is rough for a lot of my fellow CSMs. Honestly, it's even hard for nuclear family women as well. Relatives that gets on your nerves, the pressures of gift shopping, the arrangements, food preparations...I could go on and on. It takes the fun out of the season sometimes.

Add steplife in and it's just a cauldron of crap soup.

Have some cocktails and hang in there my sisters.

I leave you with a great and FUNNY Step article. Some good and honest advice here.

Have a great Holiday and remember, you can always bitch here!

A very good Step Mother article

Mostly for people who are going to have bio kids but still, it outlines what we feel is normal.

http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Nice-Women-Dont-Like-Step-Kids

"Act like the cool Aunt"

OMG if I read this in one more time in a Step Mom article, I am going to scream. "Don't pretend to be the Mom; more like a cool Aunt". Well guess what? An Aunt is RELATED. There are NO loyalty binds. If you do not have a good and/or strained relationship with the BM and be the "cool Aunt" exposing the child to something different you are met with either two setbacks. One is resentment for not being the first to do that cool thing with their child, or anger for doing something they did not approve of.

My God, can't we just be a Step Mom that provides love and shelter, etc? Why does it have to be so defined by a role that is CLEARLY not the same!

So while reading one article...

I found some of the comments interesting in this online piece. The article is about how you may not be ready to own a dog. A couple of the replies about how people should make sure they are prepared for children as well made me chuckle.

article

Probably the best childless article ever!

This article is not only for the CBCers, but for the ones who can't have children. The ones that are childless by circumstance or because they made right choices. It gives a positive nod to step parents and aunts/uncles. It's basically saying what is very true. Being a Mother does not make you maternal. LOVE is all you need.

I want to hug this woman.


Finally!

article

12 things a Stepmother should never read

Oh, Oprah.

As a childless woman, you should really approve more of the articles that get published in your magazine.

This article is how evil Stepmothers are created!

12 things a Stepmother Should Never Say

I am back from teenage hell

Well...that is not 100% of the reason why I was gone for a while, yet, there are so many reasons why I am back.

I wanted to shake off this feeling only a CSM can understand. I started to pursue goals and dreams only the childless woman can achieve. Let's face it, having kids changes your life and amount of free time. It's changed mine and I am only EOW.

I have achieved a lot of positive things. I have done stuff for ego/monetary gain and some of compassion because you know us CSMs, we have TONS of compassion.

Yet I still can't shake off this feeling. It compounds more and more in my head and heart. It is definitely better than it was 5 years ago, but it rears it's ugly head whenever my MIL smiles at a baby, my DH cries at something his daughters does, or the one that cuts the most; someone gets pregnant.

I don't want to give away too much but someone in my friends circle is pregnant. She has no business having another child. She gets many, I get 0. The injustice is painful and makes it hard to get up sometimes. It would be a heck of a lot easier if I wasn't a SM.

I try to focus on the positive, but I am not an Aunt or something like that.  I have no blood connection to a child. I don't know that "feeling" every woman talks about. What I do know is I have no one to blame but myself which makes it harder. I didn't want kids in my 30's and met my husband later in life.Not too late, at the cusp of too late and it was either leave him or try to get pregnant on my own and that would be stupid for so many reasons. Plus,, he is undoubtedly, the love of my life.

I am back to posting and trying to be positive through the pain. I would love it if people commented more. I see the search words through my tracker. I see women from all over the world and probably all walks of life.We are here. Just silent in our agony.

My positive of the day and what I will leave you with is my Step Daughter told me yesterday:

"You are not just a 'Step Mother' and I love you".

If only the adults in our camp thought the same.

A great article for those of you who feel alone

Help For The Childless StepMom

#4 is why I have been MIA. Trying to find what makes me happy for once, as should YOU!

Celebrity Step Mother throws us under the bus; a rebuttle!

So Jada Pinkett Smith posted something on her Facebook page PUBLICLY that has stirred the Step Mother pot.

Here is what she said:

"Blended families are NEVER easy, but here's why I don't have a lot of sympathy for your situation because... we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn't want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.
I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended family made me a giant... Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It's time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are. J."

Well, let's just say, that opened up a BIG can of worms.

The BEST response was via Huffington Post by Marriage and family Psychotherapist Mary T. Kelly, M.A.

I especially loved this quote: "Would you be as judgmental if you understood the loneliness and perpetual feeling of being an outsider when you are a childless woman partnered with a man with children?"

Huffington Post response

Happy New Year, MOM!

Happy New Year my lovely ladies!

Something was mentioned on a Facebook group I am a member on.

The question was, how do you feel when a stranger refers to you as the "Mom"?

I thought about this.

Although it hurts, being childless because I am NOT the Mom or A MOM, it makes me happy for people to think a) my SD looks like me (not a vanity thing; just to feel a connection to my husband somehow), and b) someone recognizes my Motherly duties.

If the stepchild does not correct the stranger, why should I?

It only makes my SD feel uncomfortable and it is not like I SAID it.

Besides, a child can have many "Moms" and in this day and age, a child really needs several.....

I know some of us are having a hard time with the CT shooting. My thoughts...

What has occurred is horrific. This should never of happened and is devastating.

I know it is hard for us to hear, as childless women,  people say :"As a Mother..I am crying. You can never understand". Another kick in the gut. Now we lack empathy. I think even as a non parent, most of us are crying. What about us stepmothers that got close to our stepchildren? We can all agree young children are innocent and precious..our own or not. What about teachers? Principals?  This was a horrible tragedy that affected us ALL.


This leads me to an encounter I had.

I know a woman with two young ones. She once told me she purposely sought out teachers that have kids to teach her children and if the teacher does not have kids of their own, she transfers her children to a class that has one.

I found that offensive on two notes.

One, maybe some women under 30 who teach just didn't have kids yet.

Two, being childless does not make you an unsympathetic teacher.

When I was in elementary school , I had a teacher who realized I was being mentally abused. She took me under her wing. I remember our lunches and her praise. I will never forget it. It was important. Yet, she had no kids of her own (yet, she was 28 or 30ish).

How about the teacher that shielded the kids and died herself during this tragedy? She was 27 and  had no children of her own  YET (I think another didn't either, but not quite sure).

My stepdaughter told me her favorite teacher is childless (by choice; she said her and her husband travel a lot).

I can get why parents say you "don't get it" because they could never "get" my situation. But I always give them the option to try on my shoes just for a while.

The holidays are a stressful time of year for us

Don't worry, you are not alone. Take time for yourself. Don't sweat the little things. Remember you cannot change others, so don't make yourself nuts. Heal and be thankful for everything else. Love.

LeeAnn Rime's breakdown

So I read this article about LeeAnn's breakdown.

Immediately, I thought, her breakdown was caused from being a Childless Stepmother.

Imagine being one in the public eye?

Why is the ex jealous of you? Why does she talk bad about your husband to the kids?

Sometimes I wonder what these BMs are thinking by making stupid comments out of jealousy to the SM. I also wonder why in the WORLD they would bad mouth the Father (especially to a daughter therefore creating unhealthy male related issues) and spread lies out of PARTIAL truths.

I found this blog post by stepfamily coach Jenna Korf . While it was very informative, it still makes me a bit irate. Any Mother that would go out of her way to make her child have issues based on her OWN, baffles me.

Or maybe not. Being a Step parent, I have heard and seen it all...

Childless by choice: selfish?

Here we go again. Those that do not want children are selfish, according to this guy.

Yes, because having a baby when you don't really want one is considered selfless, right? Saying you want children so "I can leave legacies of me behind" or "have someone to take care of me when I am old" are FABULOUS reasons to procreate, right? Having a baby because of family pressure and not desire is the way to go, right?

I can tell you at least HALF of the divorce cases exist because the couple married young and felt :it was the right thing to do to have kids despite the marriage being in trouble.

I love how the couple in the picture is drinking. Ya know, because CBCers are drunken whores.

http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2012/09/19/joe-oconnor-selfishness-behind-growing-trend-for-couples-to-not-have-children/