Oh, Oprah.
As a childless woman, you should really approve more of the articles that get published in your magazine.
This article is how evil Stepmothers are created!
12 things a Stepmother Should Never Say
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
I am back from teenage hell
Well...that is not 100% of the reason why I was gone for a while, yet, there are so many reasons why I am back.
I wanted to shake off this feeling only a CSM can understand. I started to pursue goals and dreams only the childless woman can achieve. Let's face it, having kids changes your life and amount of free time. It's changed mine and I am only EOW.
I have achieved a lot of positive things. I have done stuff for ego/monetary gain and some of compassion because you know us CSMs, we have TONS of compassion.
Yet I still can't shake off this feeling. It compounds more and more in my head and heart. It is definitely better than it was 5 years ago, but it rears it's ugly head whenever my MIL smiles at a baby, my DH cries at something his daughters does, or the one that cuts the most; someone gets pregnant.
I don't want to give away too much but someone in my friends circle is pregnant. She has no business having another child. She gets many, I get 0. The injustice is painful and makes it hard to get up sometimes. It would be a heck of a lot easier if I wasn't a SM.
I try to focus on the positive, but I am not an Aunt or something like that. I have no blood connection to a child. I don't know that "feeling" every woman talks about. What I do know is I have no one to blame but myself which makes it harder. I didn't want kids in my 30's and met my husband later in life.Not too late, at the cusp of too late and it was either leave him or try to get pregnant on my own and that would be stupid for so many reasons. Plus,, he is undoubtedly, the love of my life.
I am back to posting and trying to be positive through the pain. I would love it if people commented more. I see the search words through my tracker. I see women from all over the world and probably all walks of life.We are here. Just silent in our agony.
My positive of the day and what I will leave you with is my Step Daughter told me yesterday:
"You are not just a 'Step Mother' and I love you".
If only the adults in our camp thought the same.
I wanted to shake off this feeling only a CSM can understand. I started to pursue goals and dreams only the childless woman can achieve. Let's face it, having kids changes your life and amount of free time. It's changed mine and I am only EOW.
I have achieved a lot of positive things. I have done stuff for ego/monetary gain and some of compassion because you know us CSMs, we have TONS of compassion.
Yet I still can't shake off this feeling. It compounds more and more in my head and heart. It is definitely better than it was 5 years ago, but it rears it's ugly head whenever my MIL smiles at a baby, my DH cries at something his daughters does, or the one that cuts the most; someone gets pregnant.
I don't want to give away too much but someone in my friends circle is pregnant. She has no business having another child. She gets many, I get 0. The injustice is painful and makes it hard to get up sometimes. It would be a heck of a lot easier if I wasn't a SM.
I try to focus on the positive, but I am not an Aunt or something like that. I have no blood connection to a child. I don't know that "feeling" every woman talks about. What I do know is I have no one to blame but myself which makes it harder. I didn't want kids in my 30's and met my husband later in life.Not too late, at the cusp of too late and it was either leave him or try to get pregnant on my own and that would be stupid for so many reasons. Plus,, he is undoubtedly, the love of my life.
I am back to posting and trying to be positive through the pain. I would love it if people commented more. I see the search words through my tracker. I see women from all over the world and probably all walks of life.We are here. Just silent in our agony.
My positive of the day and what I will leave you with is my Step Daughter told me yesterday:
"You are not just a 'Step Mother' and I love you".
If only the adults in our camp thought the same.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
A great article for those of you who feel alone
Help For The Childless StepMom
#4 is why I have been MIA. Trying to find what makes me happy for once, as should YOU!
#4 is why I have been MIA. Trying to find what makes me happy for once, as should YOU!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Celebrity Step Mother throws us under the bus; a rebuttle!
So Jada Pinkett Smith posted something on her Facebook page PUBLICLY that has stirred the Step Mother pot.
Here is what she said:
"Blended families are NEVER easy, but here's why I don't have a lot of sympathy for your situation because... we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn't want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.
I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended family made me a giant... Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It's time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are. J."
Well, let's just say, that opened up a BIG can of worms.
The BEST response was via Huffington Post by Marriage and family Psychotherapist Mary T. Kelly, M.A.
I especially loved this quote: "Would you be as judgmental if you understood the loneliness and perpetual feeling of being an outsider when you are a childless woman partnered with a man with children?"
Huffington Post response
Here is what she said:
"Blended families are NEVER easy, but here's why I don't have a lot of sympathy for your situation because... we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn't want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.
I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended family made me a giant... Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It's time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are. J."
Well, let's just say, that opened up a BIG can of worms.
The BEST response was via Huffington Post by Marriage and family Psychotherapist Mary T. Kelly, M.A.
I especially loved this quote: "Would you be as judgmental if you understood the loneliness and perpetual feeling of being an outsider when you are a childless woman partnered with a man with children?"
Huffington Post response
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Happy New Year, MOM!
Happy New Year my lovely ladies!
Something was mentioned on a Facebook group I am a member on.
The question was, how do you feel when a stranger refers to you as the "Mom"?
I thought about this.
Although it hurts, being childless because I am NOT the Mom or A MOM, it makes me happy for people to think a) my SD looks like me (not a vanity thing; just to feel a connection to my husband somehow), and b) someone recognizes my Motherly duties.
If the stepchild does not correct the stranger, why should I?
It only makes my SD feel uncomfortable and it is not like I SAID it.
Besides, a child can have many "Moms" and in this day and age, a child really needs several.....
Something was mentioned on a Facebook group I am a member on.
The question was, how do you feel when a stranger refers to you as the "Mom"?
I thought about this.
Although it hurts, being childless because I am NOT the Mom or A MOM, it makes me happy for people to think a) my SD looks like me (not a vanity thing; just to feel a connection to my husband somehow), and b) someone recognizes my Motherly duties.
If the stepchild does not correct the stranger, why should I?
It only makes my SD feel uncomfortable and it is not like I SAID it.
Besides, a child can have many "Moms" and in this day and age, a child really needs several.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
I know some of us are having a hard time with the CT shooting. My thoughts...
What has occurred is horrific. This should never of happened and is devastating.
I know it is hard for us to hear, as childless women, people say :"As a Mother..I am crying. You can never understand". Another kick in the gut. Now we lack empathy. I think even as a non parent, most of us are crying. What about us stepmothers that got close to our stepchildren? We can all agree young children are innocent and precious..our own or not. What about teachers? Principals? This was a horrible tragedy that affected us ALL.
This leads me to an encounter I had.
I know a woman with two young ones. She once told me she purposely sought out teachers that have kids to teach her children and if the teacher does not have kids of their own, she transfers her children to a class that has one.
I found that offensive on two notes.
One, maybe some women under 30 who teach just didn't have kids yet.
Two, being childless does not make you an unsympathetic teacher.
When I was in elementary school , I had a teacher who realized I was being mentally abused. She took me under her wing. I remember our lunches and her praise. I will never forget it. It was important. Yet, she had no kids of her own (yet, she was 28 or 30ish).
How about the teacher that shielded the kids and died herself during this tragedy? She was 27 and had no children of her own YET (I think another didn't either, but not quite sure).
My stepdaughter told me her favorite teacher is childless (by choice; she said her and her husband travel a lot).
I can get why parents say you "don't get it" because they could never "get" my situation. But I always give them the option to try on my shoes just for a while.
I know it is hard for us to hear, as childless women, people say :"As a Mother..I am crying. You can never understand". Another kick in the gut. Now we lack empathy. I think even as a non parent, most of us are crying. What about us stepmothers that got close to our stepchildren? We can all agree young children are innocent and precious..our own or not. What about teachers? Principals? This was a horrible tragedy that affected us ALL.
This leads me to an encounter I had.
I know a woman with two young ones. She once told me she purposely sought out teachers that have kids to teach her children and if the teacher does not have kids of their own, she transfers her children to a class that has one.
I found that offensive on two notes.
One, maybe some women under 30 who teach just didn't have kids yet.
Two, being childless does not make you an unsympathetic teacher.
When I was in elementary school , I had a teacher who realized I was being mentally abused. She took me under her wing. I remember our lunches and her praise. I will never forget it. It was important. Yet, she had no kids of her own (yet, she was 28 or 30ish).
How about the teacher that shielded the kids and died herself during this tragedy? She was 27 and had no children of her own YET (I think another didn't either, but not quite sure).
My stepdaughter told me her favorite teacher is childless (by choice; she said her and her husband travel a lot).
I can get why parents say you "don't get it" because they could never "get" my situation. But I always give them the option to try on my shoes just for a while.
Friday, November 30, 2012
The holidays are a stressful time of year for us
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