I had my first combined family celebration for my SDs and survived! I really learned that sometimes it is not your SKs, DH, nor the BM, but EVERYONE FREAKING ELSE!
I leave you with this photo for the weekend.
It says it all.
Friday, June 1, 2012
I have had a full Childless StepMother month.
BM had been diagnosed with something life threatening. She pulled through so far via a procedure. Nothing prepares you for this on so many levels. NOTHING.
I had my first combined family celebration for my SDs and survived! I really learned that sometimes it is not your SKs, DH, nor the BM, but EVERYONE FREAKING ELSE!
I leave you with this photo for the weekend.
It says it all.
I had my first combined family celebration for my SDs and survived! I really learned that sometimes it is not your SKs, DH, nor the BM, but EVERYONE FREAKING ELSE!
I leave you with this photo for the weekend.
It says it all.
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I found this website today basically because I'm ready to give up. I wondered if it was still active and I see that it is. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. I am a childless SM. When we first married, his youngest daughter and son were still in school. Now all 3 of his kids are grown and have kids of their own. If you think raising a SD or SS is hard, try to be a SGM (step grandmother). You don't get to enjoy the grandkids and they call you Granddaddy's wife or "Aunt" because their parents tell them you're only married to their grandfather. Today a new grandson was born and even my husband woke me up to say this "I'm a new granddaddy again". It hurts and hurts badly. I buy the presents, remember all 13 birthdays, their school events, and everything else. I fought with his ex so he could have visitation with his kids and see his grandkids. Now all I feel like is a paycheck. What do you do? I just don't know anymore. Thank you for creating this website, maybe someone else will know what to do next.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and posting. I hope this blog can help you somewhat.
ReplyDeleteI fear becoming a Step GM also, but I believe in my heart that my SDs will include me. Again. it's the rest of the family I am worried about plus now a competition with a third woman; the paternal GM!
My advice is: let people know how you feel but try not to come off complaining (not saying you do but you know how we often look like we are "too sensitive"). For instance, tell your DH that when he said that you felt excluded. Tell your SKs that you want to be more included. Speak up! Speak up! Speak up! I found that is the only true way to be heard!
How does the ex treat you in all this? Is she the culprit?
The latest ex doesn't speak to me at all. She only talks to my DH when necessary. She manipulated the younger SKs from the start saying I was the reason their dad abandoned them. The SKs were 16 and 12 at the time. They are 25 and 21 now both with 4 children a piece. My DH has an oldest son who is 37 and he has 5 children. The baby born this morning belongs to him. He was born in my DH first marriage and his first ex and I get along well. My DH latest ex has the two younger kids and doesn't want me around the grandkids at all. I saw her yank one of the granddaughters to her when the granddaughter told me hello. The granddaughter was only 3 at the time.
DeleteI believe the culprit is my DH. He doesn't like controversy and didn't want to deal with his latest ex at the time. We were in court more often than not because of visitation and child support (she left her job to get more child support which didn't work). His oldest son, who had the baby today, looks at me as another wife and though he isn't disrespectful, he does ignore me. When I'm around and his kids are there, they will come up to me and say hi but then they are called away. But I am an "Aunt" to them, not a SGM because that's what his oldest son allowed them to call me and my DH lets it slide. Up to today, I let it slide also, thinking it was better to be an "Aunt" than nothing at all. Today it just hurt, another SGK who will call me "Aunt". My DH says it's my fault, that I told the SKs I wasn't their mother and that's true cause all 3 SKs still have a living mother and it was never my intention to replace anyone, I was just an addition to the family. I never understood why it had to be a competition. The SKs married and brought outsiders to the family, what makes me any different? The SD has 2 SDs of her own. I thought that when she married she would understand what it takes and how hard this can be but evidently I'm wrong. I'm afraid if I speak up to the SKs, my DH will not support me because he doesn't want his kids mad at him or else he won't get to see the grandkids. No rocking the boat, per say, or else you might get thrown out of the boat. 8 years and nothing has changed, it's really hard.
Thank you for listening to me. Seems that only CSM understand how hard this can be.
I think a lot of regular SMs have this problem too. A lot of times between the BM trying to keep the SM at bay, the Disney Dad Father, and just bitter SKs, it can be tough.
ReplyDeleteI feel, personally, your SKs are adults and maybe you should tell them some of the stuff you posted. Just try. Forget what your DH says; it hasn't been working has it?
We are not the Mother or GM , however we should be respected. Even an Aunt wouldn't have the child pulled away.
I would make the effort to talk to them or the resentment will eat you alive.