A Stepmom meme

I thought it was time for the internet to have a SM meme. My wonderful ex CSM friend made this. Enjoy and spread the word!

It's OK to be selfish

Lately I have been feeling guilty. I don't fawn over my SDs as much. It's not because I don't love them, but it is a mixture of a few things.

One, they are teens now and really want to be with friends, not boring adults. Mostly what I say is outdated anyway (WHO AM I?!?).

Two, I have competition with 3 other women and it is exhausting sometimes. BM, her Mother and my MIL. To be honest, it's not so much BM, but the GMs! I even think they rival with each other secretly.

Lastly, I feel like I have forgotten my passions in the last 5 years of this journey. I got to thinking I am not good to ANYONE, including my SDs, if I am not happy with my life. Plus, I am not the Mom. I know that. Part of that stings, but part of it really leaves me free to pursue goals. Which I have!

There is an article by one of the writers of  No One's Bitch 's Jenna Korf. It really explains what I am going through and makes me feel like I am living the right choice.

Had enough of the Mom or Stepmom? It's time to move on.

Actions will always speak louder than words

I was at my MIL's a while ago. Seems like any pictures of me in them are in cabinet with SOME glass. The wedding "parent" book I made 2 years ago has been put away. On display are all pictures of her Grand kids, daughter of her wedding 10 years ago, daughter with husband, picture of DH with girls, etc. None of me in them are out; not one. The ones in the cabinet are probably maybe 2.

This isn't a vanity thing, it's a FAMILY thing.

I think she did that because she has BM's parents over sometimes.

I don't care how nice she is to me or what she says (which is very genuine; I adore her), but the sad reality is I WILL NEVER be the Mother of her Grand children despite making her OWN son much happier than BM. Her grand kids are her world so in pecking order it's them, BM, and then BM's parents feelings that will always reign first.

One of the many isolating and lonely realities for a Childless Stepmother.

This is for the Stepkids out there...

I sometimes like to think about others in the step dynamic.
What is going on in my life now reminds me of the step child and perhaps if a CSM has a baby.

I have a dog who is still considered a puppy. We are dogsitting another dog who is older. My dog is relentless at pawing, nipping, bothering, stealing from, and annoying this poor other dog who is nothing but quiet and good hearted. She is basically a big mush with good manners. She never hurts her back (although she should!!!) yet still, my pup has to annoy her to no end.

Becasue of this, my husband and I sleep in different rooms. The guest dog is often chased and pawed at for doing nothing. She gets put in her crate when we go to work like it's punishment. She is probably wondering where her family is and what she did or is doing wrong to deserve this.

I feel so bad for her (to top it off, a wild cat jumped on her and tried to hurt her when we were walking!).

But yet, I still love my  annoying pup and hug her. She is having stomach problems because she feels almost like her territory has been taken partially over. That includes any type of affection from me or my husband.

This reminds me of Step so much....

More magazine touches on a CSM issue

I have written More magazine on one or two occasions. It seems like some articles paint the Stepmother in a bad light. Today, I was surprised to see that the editor herself, came to the realization that step, especially the childless part, can also be hard on the Stepmother.

Lesley Jane Seymour • Editor-in-Chief More magazine

Beat them or join them?

I had a bad CSM weekend.

MY SDs, although good hearted, are teens. Do I really need to say more???!!???

The talking back and questions when they are told to do menial tasks is maddening. I am the Father on the weekends because my DH works. I also give up lots of other plans to supervise them. I don't have a Mom to help.When my DH gets home, the last thing he wants is to hear me bitch so I keep in inside. I think bio Moms go through this too, though.

But to add insult to injury, my in-law's are now BFFs with BM's parents. Nice people, never rude to me, but still. NO ONE gets it unless you are the second wife. I constantly have to hear about it in MY HOME.  Enough already. It's over and over...

It also seems like all of the sudden, my SDs get more calls with questions from BM and her Mom like what they are doing, what they ate, etc..
WTF???!! REALLY???!!!

7 years later and you ask now???????!!!!!!!!!!!

DH sometimes says it's small talk.
Who knows?


Then to make matters worse, we went to visit their Great Grand Mother; DH's GM.

All she did at lunch THAT I PAID for (not to mention carfare and gifts), how BM's Mom visits (WTF??!! AGAIN??WHY NOW??) and how great BM is. How her and BM always had a connection (this is what you say to the second wife???!!!). BM this BM that and she is a great person. Truth be told, she likes BM because she always buys her stuff and I love GGM , but she is materialistic. She even try to hoodwink me into buying her shoes he did not need while visiting. Did they forget BM was not always perfect in the beginning and although not evil and basically a good person, has lied to DH many, many times?

By the time I got home I wanted to SCREAM! I complained to my fellow SMs but dare not tell DH.

He'll just say "well the alternative is that none of us get along".

He's not a second husband/ childless Stepfather.

He'll never get it.

So do I beat them or take on BM's family since they are kinda nice (I know they are secretly catty sometimes, but not evil. Normal in Step dynamics I guess) . I mean, I don't really have a close family of my own so maybe I should embrace them (I don't think they will ever 100% embrace me though because I am not blood and they are very tight knit)?

If not only for my sanity...for future dealings?

Thanks for reading this far.

I have had a full Childless StepMother month.

BM had been diagnosed with something life threatening. She pulled through so far via a procedure. Nothing prepares you for this on so many levels. NOTHING.

I had my first combined family celebration for my SDs and survived!  I really learned that sometimes it is not your SKs, DH, nor the BM, but EVERYONE FREAKING ELSE!

I leave you with this photo for the weekend.

It says it all.