Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Different views.

A lot of times the bio Father and bio Mother have different views. Typically, we side with our DH's. Not to be an adversary to BM, but we married a person who shares our values and most likely, we agree with him.

But what happens when you disagree with BOTH the BM and your DH?  Do you tell your step child what YOU feel?

This came up for me. I know it is bad to not side with my DH. We must be a united front. However, it was something I felt strongly about. It was something I just could not agree too.

Luckily for me, they really didn't ask my opinion but, I came up with a speech for the future.

"I have to side with your parents because they want  what is best for you".

This way, I am not going against DH and BM OR my beliefs.

Comments FROM ALL STEPMOTHERS are welcomed on this tough subject!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The toothbrush is mightier than the sword!

I was on one of the Stepmother closed groups of Facebook yesterday. A SM posted a story that brought back memories and made me realize something.

A toothbrush is the ultimate significator of the seriousness of a new relationship.

Let me explain...

When I was dating men, I realized it was serious when they said I could leave stuff at their apartments (I even think there was a Sex in the City episode where Carrie was excited Big let her keep stuff at his place). The ultimate item is the toothbrush. Why? Because it is not tucked in a drawer or closet, it's OUT for EVERYONE to see. Not only that, it's usually sitting next to the man's toothbrush..sometimes touching.

Well, what happens when the GF or new SM has her toothbrush mingled in with Dad's? CHAOS!

When I first was dating DH, every other Saturday night I stayed at my MIL's because my place was too small for the kids. I did not mind as I love my IL's and we had many a great night. After 4 years though, I realized it might have been 50% the worst thing I ever done. I should of did it once a month. But I digress (save for another post)...

Anyways, I had a toothbrush there. It was next to DH's (who was living there to save money due to CS). One day, I went to use it and realized it was gone. I looked all over. MIL found it with her cleaning supplies under the sink. She said she didn't remember putting it there. SD1 had a very hard time with me in the beginning (note: things do change and she loves me now). I KNEW she put it there and I WAS not going to use it. I asked her if she put it there and she lied. I could tell she was lying. However, I did not get mad. I realized she was having problems adjusting. This actually helped me realize it and treat her with kid gloves. I let her ALWAYS have her feelings, as well as communication, and I suspect that is why we get along great now. Needless to say, my new toothbrush was securely in a case hidden in the house.

The SM posted a similar story yesterday on the forum. It made me realize the significance of the toothbrush so ladies...

Leaving a toothbrush in your new beau's bathroom is like opening up a can of worms. Be ready for the attack!