Saturday, December 31, 2011

New year, new attutude!

You are fabulous no matter what your child status is. You are amazing. Treat yourself well. Raise your glass, you accomplished a lot. You matter. You are loved.

You can't control your situation but, you can control your happiness. See your glass as half full, not empty.

Start the new year off with this new outlook and I promise it will get better!

Thanks for following my blog, the comments, and the emails. I hope I eased some souls in this difficult journey.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Extend the olive branch

Just try...

My BM invited us over for a drink when we drop the girls off Christmas Eve. My husband asked me what I wanted to do. Much to his surprise, I said yes. My girls are getting older and I have to get used to blended family occasions throughout the rest of my years. I just hope any of my in-laws don't intrude or it becomes a dog and pony show.

I  invited her over Christmas day because it is just going to be her, her DH, and parents. She thanked me but said they had dinner reservations. I told her I am sorry if it felt weird and she said no and was glad we got along.

Would it have been weird for me? To have BM in MY HOUSE? Yes.


The band aid has to come off someday.

Isn't it better to just stop putting off the pain?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The holidays are especially hard for us

I think for any Step Mother it is. For the childless ones, it's even harder. It's a reminder of our situation and it's lack of  control or tradition.

Blogger lets me know how people stumble upon my blog via keywords. I can tell by the search words so many of you are in pain. I understand. This time of year is the worst.

Keep in mind, you may not BE a Mother but you DO have an influence on a child's (or children's ) life more than you may think or know. You are an adult role model. YOU CAN establish new traditions to share. You are not replacing anyone, you are adding/enhancing. I said it once and I will say it again, you can be maternal without being a biological Mother. Some biological Mothers are not maternal at all (My Mother!).

Also, don't try to be so perfect during this time of year. Do your best but don't over extend yourself and keep your expectations realistic. If you do not take care of yourself, you will be of no good to others and also not a pleasure to be around!

Monday, December 5, 2011

What you think they are feeling may not be the case.

I take prenatal vitamins for my hair and nails (ladies over 40, it works!). My GYN suggested it. She also said "just in case!".

My SDs found the bottle. They asked me if I was pregnant.

I told them why I was taking them.

My one Step daughter said "Good I am glad you are not pregnant".

I asked her why. I didn't just get mad or upset. I wanted to know WHY!??? Does she hate me? Not want to be #1 anymore?

She said "I'd be jealous another child would see my Father more than me"

That was it.

So I told her "Those feelings are normal. But it hurts me that something that could be so wonderful for me and make me so happy, would make you so sad".

She hugged me. She said she was sorry. She then said "It would be OK then".

Communicate. Find out why. Discuss.

It's not always what you think.