This is for the Stepkids out there...

I sometimes like to think about others in the step dynamic.
What is going on in my life now reminds me of the step child and perhaps if a CSM has a baby.

I have a dog who is still considered a puppy. We are dogsitting another dog who is older. My dog is relentless at pawing, nipping, bothering, stealing from, and annoying this poor other dog who is nothing but quiet and good hearted. She is basically a big mush with good manners. She never hurts her back (although she should!!!) yet still, my pup has to annoy her to no end.

Becasue of this, my husband and I sleep in different rooms. The guest dog is often chased and pawed at for doing nothing. She gets put in her crate when we go to work like it's punishment. She is probably wondering where her family is and what she did or is doing wrong to deserve this.

I feel so bad for her (to top it off, a wild cat jumped on her and tried to hurt her when we were walking!).

But yet, I still love my  annoying pup and hug her. She is having stomach problems because she feels almost like her territory has been taken partially over. That includes any type of affection from me or my husband.

This reminds me of Step so much....

More magazine touches on a CSM issue

I have written More magazine on one or two occasions. It seems like some articles paint the Stepmother in a bad light. Today, I was surprised to see that the editor herself, came to the realization that step, especially the childless part, can also be hard on the Stepmother.

Lesley Jane Seymour • Editor-in-Chief More magazine

Beat them or join them?

I had a bad CSM weekend.

MY SDs, although good hearted, are teens. Do I really need to say more???!!???

The talking back and questions when they are told to do menial tasks is maddening. I am the Father on the weekends because my DH works. I also give up lots of other plans to supervise them. I don't have a Mom to help.When my DH gets home, the last thing he wants is to hear me bitch so I keep in inside. I think bio Moms go through this too, though.

But to add insult to injury, my in-law's are now BFFs with BM's parents. Nice people, never rude to me, but still. NO ONE gets it unless you are the second wife. I constantly have to hear about it in MY HOME.  Enough already. It's over and over...

It also seems like all of the sudden, my SDs get more calls with questions from BM and her Mom like what they are doing, what they ate, etc..
WTF???!! REALLY???!!!

7 years later and you ask now???????!!!!!!!!!!!

DH sometimes says it's small talk.
Who knows?


Then to make matters worse, we went to visit their Great Grand Mother; DH's GM.

All she did at lunch THAT I PAID for (not to mention carfare and gifts), how BM's Mom visits (WTF??!! AGAIN??WHY NOW??) and how great BM is. How her and BM always had a connection (this is what you say to the second wife???!!!). BM this BM that and she is a great person. Truth be told, she likes BM because she always buys her stuff and I love GGM , but she is materialistic. She even try to hoodwink me into buying her shoes he did not need while visiting. Did they forget BM was not always perfect in the beginning and although not evil and basically a good person, has lied to DH many, many times?

By the time I got home I wanted to SCREAM! I complained to my fellow SMs but dare not tell DH.

He'll just say "well the alternative is that none of us get along".

He's not a second husband/ childless Stepfather.

He'll never get it.

So do I beat them or take on BM's family since they are kinda nice (I know they are secretly catty sometimes, but not evil. Normal in Step dynamics I guess) . I mean, I don't really have a close family of my own so maybe I should embrace them (I don't think they will ever 100% embrace me though because I am not blood and they are very tight knit)?

If not only for my sanity...for future dealings?

Thanks for reading this far.

I have had a full Childless StepMother month.

BM had been diagnosed with something life threatening. She pulled through so far via a procedure. Nothing prepares you for this on so many levels. NOTHING.

I had my first combined family celebration for my SDs and survived!  I really learned that sometimes it is not your SKs, DH, nor the BM, but EVERYONE FREAKING ELSE!

I leave you with this photo for the weekend.

It says it all.

Mother's Day

This is probably the hardest day of the year for us. NO, we are not delusional in thinking we are Mothers via biology but, let me dissect it for you.
The whole holiday is to give thanks for all that Mothers do. Right? So, we as, SMs, do not cook, clean and do laundry for our stepkids? We don't give monetarily? We don't support? We don't comfort?
I guess it's all just a bad (or good) dream, right?

Oh and then there is the cards. I know that some of us came into our stepkids' life later or may not have a relationship, oh but there is a card for you too!

I would rather get no card at all than the on the bottom. Also, note that it is a very child like card so chances are "Dad's Wife" does for you what most Moms do. Hallmark should be ashamed ("why yes, we have a card for that!"). I guess you can give your favorite Uncles' wife a "Uncle's wife Day" card!

I want to let everyone know, my SDs give me cards. Mother's Day, not STEP. They write things in them. In fact, the year my Dad was dying of cancer, they recorded messages for me (and I was only ENGAGED to their Father).

Happy Mother's Day all Step Moms! Childless, fur Mommies, Blended Mommies, and also the ones who are not "Step" yet. Thank you for all that you do!

The ghost can scare who it can....

I cannot stand that my in laws keep bringing up BM's family CONSTANTLY in MY house. On a holiday I am hosting, nonetheless.

I leave the room, table, or whatever and no one notices. If it were my SDs, ok, but it is not. There is no reason for the bringing up either. I hate it. Then they wonder why I don't hang out so much. The sad thing is, I really love my in laws but, the pain is so bad sometimes. It does get better though with time, though. I think of the saying above.

I think I will bring up all of my successful ex boyfriends at next dinner. Or perhaps my past sex life because DH is bonded to BM by sex; theoretically, right?

No one ever lets you forget you are the second wife and not the Mom

This blog post can go for any SM but, was especially hard for me as a CSM.

My DH's Grandmother is in a mental ward. She had some shock treatments and we visited her (she had them before). We took my SDs. Since they are both under the age of 14, they were not allowed in (they had to be 16). We also could only visit one at a time so DH went in first then me. I sat and talked to her for 10 minutes and then we went to the double locked doors that had windows so she could wave to my SDs.

She then told the nurse "Those are my girls". "This is my grandson's second wive so those aren't hers".

This woman can't remember where she lived, her son's death, where she was, or how to dress herself.

But she remembered that I was the second wife and childless.