Bullying

Bullying is serious. It is especially more serious in this day and age due to the internet and social media sites.

What kind of advice do you give as a Mother and/or Step Mom?

My SDs and my "bonus" SD (BSD=their Stepsister) came to my house. SD1 said "This girl called me fugly". My BSD said "They said I was fat and ugly". My first reaction was: "There will always be people who don't like you but, pay no mind to them. I have heard stuff like that before". They then said "but you are pretty".

That REALLY shocked me. They don't view themselves as pretty? They are lovely little ladies.The tween/teen years are so hard for girls. You want to hug them and protect them from evil/jealous people but,  how will they learn? They have a lifetime of that they need to be prepared for!

My other worry is this forms a backlash. They then make fun of others to make themselves feel better. That is not good either, I try to explain. Now they are the bullies and the unhealthy cycle begins.

Women are worthtless in society unless they procreate!

The above statement is mentioned in many books and movies. Not in that exact form but, in so many words. Let me break it down.

"The whole meaning of life is to have children": Ok so curing cancer is out of the question?

"You do not know unconditional love until you have children": So I guess infertile women will never know true love.

"The reason to get married is to have children": Yeah tell that to children of divorce. I guess if you are not in love, you should get married anyways. Also, again, I guess infertile women should suffer more by never getting married as well.

"Your kids will always be there for you no matter what and you need them to take care of you when you get older": Go visit a nursing home and ask all of the old people how often their kids visit. I bet 50% don't even talk to their kids.Kids are not guarantee caretakers.

I also assume these women are worthless since they had no children:

Rosa Parks
Joan Of Arc
Florence Nightingale
Ayn Rand
Diane Sawyer
Marlo Thomas
Oprah
Coco Chanel
Susan B. Anthony
Julia Child
Betty White
Stevie Nicks


You do not have to be a MOTHER to be MATERNAL. Biology is not what makes a Mother. Just ask Casey Anthony.

History builds a relationship

What a bio Mother or Father has with their child is a bond of history more than anything else.

"Remember when this happened or we did that?" I often used to hear my skids say to my DH. I used to cringe becasue it was before me and involved BM.

But you know what took away that sinking feeling in my gut? Time.
Time that built history.

What makes any relationship or friendship is stuff you go through together. Peaks and valleys; the whole kit and kaboodle. Some memories will make you laugh and some will make you cry.

So if I could give any CSM advice, I would tell her that time not only heals all wounds, it builds history. YOUR history with them.

So now I hear "remember that time we..." to me. I even have pictures to prove it!

Awkward moments

A lot of people think my Stepdaughters and I look alike. It is very common for some to say to me when we are out together "your daughters" when referring to them. Of course they assume they are my daughters. Very understandable. However, for the SM of any kind, it can be awkward.

You want to lie just so you don't have to explain. However, that could get back to the BM you are evil and trying to take over. On the other hand, by correcting the person and explaining, does it hurt your Stepchild into thinking you don't view them as your own (in a sense)? Or that you don't love them enough to just fib a little?

There's also that uncomfortable silence sometimes. People not around step, fumble. Then the people who try to be politically correct say "same thing". No, it is not.

It's just another awkward moment in a CSM's life...