Weddings

I am going to a wedding Friday night and dreading it for so many reasons. All of them are somehow step related.

Watching a couple joining in a blissful union with no issues of  step makes me envious. The man has no ex wife to pay money or answer to. The wife has a chance to start her own family and not have a woman from her husband's past to take up space in her head or determine certain factors of her life.

The next issue is my own and I admit it. My Father died 10 months before my wedding. I never got the Father/Daughter dance. It makes me feel so hurt every time I attend a wedding now. My BM got to dance with her Father 3 times (my DH was her second marriage). I got 0 times. I know I should not compare but, it's yet another thing she got that I didn't.

Most people will talk about their kids at these events and I'll get the 5 headed Medusa look of dread when I tell people I am a childless step monster.

The one positive thing is that I am truly, madly, blissfully happy with my husband.

Isn't  that what all this suffering is about?