Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I am a Childless Stepmother

Is it juxtaposition or an oxymoron? Just saying it sounds wrong but, it is who I am. I never planned it that way. There are others like me. Each situation is different. They may be childless by choice, childless by circumstance, or cannot conceive. So not only does your knight in shining amour not have children with you (which is the reason why marriage was institutionalized in the first place), he had them with someone else. That "someone" else will always be in your life like any Stepmother will have to deal with but, it's even harder to deal with when she shared the reason for being a woman with your husband (or partner).

I read somewhere that you are not complete as a woman unless you conceive. I guess that I will never be complete. This is what society will always think no matter what year it is or how far women have come. You are expected in having everything: a career, relationship, and a child. No wonder why most women are in therapy or taking medication!

Now add in that you basically are kind of like a Mother (I use that term very loosely) in that you do all of the daily routines and still yet, are not "the Mom". The whole world reminds you. Even when your own Stepdaughter says "Stop saying you are childless, you are not!". If only the world would think like a 10 year old.

I am hoping this blog gets a lot of followers of all different kinds. The childless Stepmother is more prevalent in this day and age more than anyone thinks. We just can't talk a lot about it because it goes against the institution of marriage. The same institution that the government decides on if you "qualify" (gay marriage).


  1. I am curious as to why you are a childless stepmom. I too am a childless stepmom but it is not by choice. I have a condition called PCOS and it makes getting pregnant extremely difficult. So I was curious if you were in the same boat. Keep the blog coming I like it!

  2. I met my DH later in life.

    I am sorry about your condition. I feel for a lot of CSMs who are in your situation and imagine it being very hard to deal with. I know a few that are trying IVF with so many failures and it breaks my heart (especially after the Casey Anthony hooplah).

    Glad you like the blog and I will touch on all sides!

  3. Hello. I found your blog while searching for childFREE stepmoms. There is a difference between "childless" and "childfree" and I would not want to contribute anything that may hurt someone who is not childless by choice. I am not a stepmom yet (though I was 25 years ago) but may be in the future and am looking for support/wisdom from people like myself. Thank you.

  4. Hello Trisha!

    I welcome all points of view. I was "childfree" up until I met me SDs then it kinda became "childless by circumstance". Everyone's situation is different and I welcome all comments.

    I am going to touch on "childfree" in some future posts.

    I hope you keep reading!

  5. Hi there
    I found your blog when I was searching for advice on being the lerfect stepmom because me and my husband are fighting over his kids all the time. Let me explain...

    I never want children (my BM scared me for life). I met mu husband and was willing to accept his kids ( seeing as they lived with their BM I thought it would be easy)

    So now we are constantly fighting because he thinks a should be all mommy with his kids but not only am I childless by choice, i now have two stepsons (which I cannot treat like my own because it doesnt come naturally for me) but he still cannot understand that concept.

    Can anyone please give my advice ons what to do?!