The Mother of my Stepdaughters (BM= bio Mom), has a Stepdaughter as well. They are what we refer to in the step world as a "blended" family. A blended family is usually when each partner brings a child into the relationship. My BM is custodial of her SD (Stepdaughter). Due to the fact that my BM and I have an amicable relationship and my husband is a very generous man, we sometimes take the Stepdaughter the nights we have the girls. She is a good kid.
Unfortunately, there was an Internet outage in my area this particular night. Anyone who has a teen these days knows that's like cutting off your kids' right arm. We had to provide entertainment (TV is not enough now). I remembered stumbling upon some old videos on my computer of my Stepdaughters when I first met them. Birthday parties, Christmas, etc... I thought we'd all get a kick out of it. I noticed the Stepsister started to sulk. She left the room. When I asked my SDs about this, they replied that she always does this when they look at old videos of pictures prior to her arrival.
Then it hit me. I basically did to this Motherless Stepdaughter what the world does to me as a childless Stepmother! I refuse to watch videos of my SDs younger. For two reasons. One, I missed the younger years of the lives of two kids I care about the most. Two, it is like watching your husband have an affair over and over again. It is something you don't get unless you are a CSM (childless Stepmother). I think this is true for even a regular Stepmother. However, I think it is more painful for us ("you'll never know what it is like" rings in your head too).
I pulled her into another room and said I was sorry. I had not realized the pain I caused her. I explained to her how it was hard for even me to watch videos of my SDs from the past. She then replied "because you weren't there" (she GETS IT!). I nodded. I wanted to tell her also because it's too painful to watch my husband, and the rest of his family for that matter, go gaga over kids I did not bear. But, I thought, she is 14, TMI. She then said "Also, my Mom "lost" my old videos". This girl's Mom is a drug addict and lost custody of her. It broke my heart. I just hugged her and said I was sorry.
Being a CSM has taught me to be more compassionate and understanding of others. Just because I think someone should "suck it up", they have a right to their feelings and NO ONE should tell them to get "over it" (As my SDs said).
The Motherless Stepdaughter is very similar to the Childless Stepmother!
Unfortunately, there was an Internet outage in my area this particular night. Anyone who has a teen these days knows that's like cutting off your kids' right arm. We had to provide entertainment (TV is not enough now). I remembered stumbling upon some old videos on my computer of my Stepdaughters when I first met them. Birthday parties, Christmas, etc... I thought we'd all get a kick out of it. I noticed the Stepsister started to sulk. She left the room. When I asked my SDs about this, they replied that she always does this when they look at old videos of pictures prior to her arrival.
Then it hit me. I basically did to this Motherless Stepdaughter what the world does to me as a childless Stepmother! I refuse to watch videos of my SDs younger. For two reasons. One, I missed the younger years of the lives of two kids I care about the most. Two, it is like watching your husband have an affair over and over again. It is something you don't get unless you are a CSM (childless Stepmother). I think this is true for even a regular Stepmother. However, I think it is more painful for us ("you'll never know what it is like" rings in your head too).
I pulled her into another room and said I was sorry. I had not realized the pain I caused her. I explained to her how it was hard for even me to watch videos of my SDs from the past. She then replied "because you weren't there" (she GETS IT!). I nodded. I wanted to tell her also because it's too painful to watch my husband, and the rest of his family for that matter, go gaga over kids I did not bear. But, I thought, she is 14, TMI. She then said "Also, my Mom "lost" my old videos". This girl's Mom is a drug addict and lost custody of her. It broke my heart. I just hugged her and said I was sorry.
Being a CSM has taught me to be more compassionate and understanding of others. Just because I think someone should "suck it up", they have a right to their feelings and NO ONE should tell them to get "over it" (As my SDs said).
The Motherless Stepdaughter is very similar to the Childless Stepmother!
Beautiful and TRUE.
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